Piano – Always Merry and Bright

The Methodist Schism and Me

The United Methodist Church legislative General Conference recently voted to allow for gay pastors and gay marriage.

The Methodist congregation I serve as a pianist/organist is very traditional and conservative. I’m Catholic. This has never been a problem in my job. I don’t have theological or political discussions in church or during the after service coffee klatch.

So, my opinion about this change is irrelevant. I do wonder how the change will affect my continued employment and the survival of the Methodist Church. About a third of Methodist congregations have already left the UMC over this schism, many to join a new denomination that rejects the gay agenda, the Global Methodist Church.

I’m not involved in my congregation’s discussions on this issue, so I don’t know whether my client is considering leaving the UMC for the Global faction.

In his sermon on Sunday, my pastor declined to discuss the issues that generated the schism, and instead called for peaceful resolution. He’s already stating his pronouns in the bulletin, an indication of his leanings. So far, nobody’s asked me for my pronouns.

The UMC was already facing a catastrophic decline in Sabbath attendance, and consequent closings of parishes. The Catholic Church is facing the same dilemma.

I stopped involving myself in person or online in gay issues discussions. While I do have opinions, they are not particularly important to me. I’m a sinner. While I do generally aspire to the Catholic ideal of sacramental marriage, I haven’t done a very good job of living up to that ideal. Who am I, a mere sinner, to scold others?

I’ll continue to play on the Sabbath for my Methodist client, and I’ll keep my mouth shut about their theology and politics. I feel fortunate that my gig has lasted for 5 years. How long my client parish will survive is unknown.

A Stolen Kiss

An 85 year old church lady in one of my congregations has quite a crush on me. In my first few weeks working for this church, she invited me out to breakfast and, effectively, propositioned me.

“You’re not too old to still have some fun,” she told me. “But, not with me. I’m too old.”

She sat there and waited for me to disagree, but I didn’t.

I shouldn’t have accepted the invitation to breakfast, but I hadn’t thought that 85 year old women might still be horny. Lesson learned. I weaseled my way out of the invitation without any damage, and I thought that was the end of it.

Eve (I’ll call her) has been texting me almost daily for a couple of years. At church, she demands a full body hug during the group meet and greet part of the service.

Last Sunday, Eve arrived early for services and, as usual, marched right up to the piano bench to greet me.

“Give me a hug,” she begged.

I haven’t considered this an unusual request, or one difficult to comply with, so I hugged her.

Eve started to try to kiss me, and much to my surprise landed a wet smooch right on my lips! I hadn’t expected that.

The taste and odor she left behind was unbearable. Dense makeup covering over an odor of intense bodily decay. I’m old, too, so I’m aware that the bodily disintegration of an old person is difficult to tolerate.

The residual taste and odor were so awful that I got up after I played for the opening hymn, and pretended to go to the bathroom to relieve myself. I washed my face and hands and rinsed out my mouth, and I was able to continue to play for the service.

Things have gotten out of hand. Churches are incredibly sensitive to allegations of sexual abuse or unwanted sexual advances by their employees. I cannot afford even the hint of romantic involvement with a church lady in one of my congregations. The churches are terrified of being bankrupted by lawsuits.

I’ll have to be on guard with Eve. That’s the last time she gets close enough to French kiss me. I can’t really complain to the church board or the pastor. That will only rebound against me.

The constant texting is something I probably can’t stop, but I can try to cool it off.

Dealing with the romantic aspirations of the church ladies is the most difficult part of my church musician job. The attention and compliments are appreciated, but if I don’t keep my distance I’ll be out of a job.

Four Tunes in the Can

I can’t afford to carry a band. That would mean selling venues on a constant string of gigs so that I could afford to pay musicians regularly. So, my recording session this week featured a backup band that rehearsed once before laying down four tunes in the studio.

Yesterday, I listened to the “roughs,” that is the unmixed, un-FX enhanced versions of the tunes. What do I have? I have basic drum and bass tracks that I will keep. Everything else, vocals, guitar, piano and fiddle… well…

I’ll be returning to the studio in a couple of weeks to re-record my vocal and instrumental tracks. Why? I had to sing and play piano or guitar to direct the band through the structure of the tunes.

Singing and playing an instrument simultaneously in the studio leads to tracks bleeding together, and less than optimal vocal tracks.

I’ll also probably be adding tracks, most likely synth tracks, to solidify melodic themes in the tune.

The final steps will be bringing in a female vocalist for backup vocals, and mixdown.

I’d certainly prefer to take a heavily rehearsed, gig tested band into the studio, but that’s not an option.

Live-Streaming Problems

I’ve only got one camera, and it has to take in a lot of territory. This is a difficult strategic problem. The viewer needs to see my hands and most of the piano keyboard during my Gospel livestreams, as well as my torso and head.

Think the solution might be to buy a 7 foot tall stand for my iPhone so that the perspective of the video is from the right side and above, angling down to include the keyboard. I don’t know yet whether landscape or portrait is the better approach.

Over the next week, I’ll order the tall stand and attempt to find the right height and position for the iPhone video camera.

The goal here is to display as much of the front of my face, as possible, in the video frame. I’ve been video-ing directly from the side of the piano, and that’s focusing the viewer’s attention on the back of my head, and making me look ancient.

I might need a second, or maybe even a third light to take away most of the shadows and to produce adequate lighting intensity.

Once I get the set correctly lit and the camera position established, how do I quickly set those conditions every time I shoot?

Audio needs some fixing, too. Great improvement in vocal quality with the Audio Technica condenser mics, but the mix is not quite right. I’m applying reverb at the amplifier/speaker. My digital piano already adds a reverb effect to normal keyboard voices, like grand piano. Adding a second reverb at the amplifier/speaker makes the sound brittle and metallic.

I’m going to have to apply the reverb at the port-a-studio input level to only the voice channel, and cut the reverb from the amplifier/speaker.

Background is a good color. My red sweatshirt really stood out against the blue. Some crisper, more dramatic, and slightly costume like threads would really help.

One future day, I hope to add one or two more camera inputs that I can switch with a foot pedal. First, attend to basics.

How to Market My Gospel Album

Now that I’m committed to producing full band versions of my original hymns in the studio, the next hurdle is developing a plan for marketing those recordings and finding performing venues.

Where to start? I’m entering a brand new world.

I’ve written three hymns: “Show Me the Way,” “All I Can Do is Pray” and “Lord, I Pray for My Children.”

The major gospel show is, of course, Gaither Music. Two avenues to consider here… submitting my original hymns to the show for their choir to sing, and/or doing a guest appearance on one of their shows.

That’s probably a long way up the ladder of the Gospel world.

My first stab at marketing is live-streaming my Friday morning hymn rehearsals for Catholic and Methodist services. Friday was my first show. I could mostly see the things I need to fix when I watched the video. It’s always a little painful to see and hear yourself on video and try to evaluate your own performance.

A few people liked the live-stream on Facebook. Eventually, I’ll live-stream simultaneously on YouTube. Not sure if there are other venues I should use. This, I think, is the only effective tool currently at my disposal for PR. When I’m satisfied with the visual and audio quality of the live-streams, I’ll let members of both my congregations know how to watch them.

I’ll put up new scratch recordings of the new hymns and songs I’ve written, and am writing, on YouTube. “Granddaddy Ran Bootleg,” and “All I Can Do is Pray” are currently in process. My goal here is to involve my social media and church friends in the writing and development of these songs.

Learning as I go along. Trying to get my Martin D18 in the shop so that I can begin to work more seriously on my guitar based repertoire.

A Visit to the Dentist

My grandkids’ pictures were up on the wall, I noticed, as I settled into the dentist’s chair. Entire family goes to the same practice.

“Can you wait a moment while I do something kinda weird?” I asked the dental tech lady. “I’m going to make the sign of the cross. I haven’t said my morning prayers yet. It will distract me from this procedure.”

Six Our Fathers and Six Hail Marys. Calmed my mind. Maybe the dental tech lady will become curious enough to try to understand why people pray.

Yesterday’s visit was only for a cleaning. Medical care and watching my health takes up so much of my time in my old age. Daily yoga to try to maintain my balance and flexibility and to remain pain free. Twice a week 10 mile bicycle rides. Keto diet. Plus constant doctor and dentist visits.

The tech lady scraped off every one of my teeth, then gave me the standard lecture about being more thorough brushing my teeth. I no longer get irritated by this. It’s her job. She’s also probably right, but I can only do so much to attend to this body.

“How are you doing?” the dentist asked as he came in to take over. He was a handsome young man with a very famous last name, DiMaggio.

“I’m doing OK,” I replied. “I’ve reached the age where I’m held together by duct tape.”

The dentist started out with the cancer check. Myrna’s stomach cancer was first detected in an oral exam during a dentist visit. He poked and pulled at my inner cheeks, and I stuck my tongue out so he could look under and around.

My entire day was blown by this cleaning appointment. Didn’t do my normal morning piano rehearsal or yoga. For some reason, the procedure exhausted me, so I had lunch and took a long nap. Wasn’t until early evening that I felt awake and strong enough to sit down to the piano.

The next medical procedure is a month away. Another application of duct tape to this disintegrating body.

Hymn for a Dying Church

Only a matter of time, it appears, until the Methodist church vanishes. Has existed only since the mid 1700s. I play music for services every Sunday to an elderly congregation slowly dying off one by one.

I’m dying, too, approaching my mid-70s. What a daily struggle to stay healthy! For the first time in my life, I’m suffering from a disability, glaucoma, a loss of vision in one eye.

Presiding over weekly service is our 80 year old pastor. I like him. He’s very humble. Worked most of his life as a car mechanic. He rambles on during sermons, but what does that matter? He was just re-appointed to the parish for another year, thus lengthening my job security.

I’m hoping that the gig at the church lasts long enough to pay for my new truck.

We have one middle aged woman in the congregation. By that, I mean, around 50 years old. Everybody else is plus 75. That’s good for me. I spend some social time with other old folks contemplating my mortality and singing the old time hymns.

“Where are the kids?” I often wonder as I sit at the keyboard of the out of tune piano waiting for the cue from the pastor.

The piano sounds like that drunk one in Dylan’s “Highway 61” era.

Feminization and gayification seemed like modernizations, but that was a false promise. Instead, they drove the church to schism. Ultimately, the church will die. Will that great Wesleyan hymnal die with it?

Birth control and porn are killing off the churches. The Catholic Church will survive. 2000 years of tradition. That counts for something.

I’m useful in my old age, still in demand to accompany Catholic and Methodist churches. Brings purpose and meaning to my life. Twice a week I sing and pray with a congregation. I need it. I need to hear the sermons. I am not strong enough to go it alone. How long it took me to understand.

Old and Still Dealing with Rejection

I’m usually surprised when I’m not offered a job. Didn’t get the cathedral pipe organ job. Not surprised. The church did offer me the opportunity to practice on their huge, four manual pipe organ, so as to be prepared to be a sub. I might take them up on that.

This was my first ever interview and audition solely on pipe organ, or any organ for that matter. The small churches I’ve worked for audition me on piano first, organ second. They only want to use organ on special occasions, primarily during the Christmas and Easter seasons. So, they are usually satisfied with a very perfunctory audition on organ.

Going through auditions is a learning process. Now, I know what is expected from a pipe organ audition. I have to prepare some preludes, and develop a couple of classical pieces that display a degree of virtuosity. I fall a little short here.

Why was I not surprised? I don’t have classical training on organ. My experience on pipe organ is very limited. I was a little clumsy in my pipe organ audition. My confidence level is a little low.

I assumed going into this audition that the church would select somebody younger or with classical training. Given the current state of the religious world, the existence of such a person cannot be taken for granted. This job paid much better than average, and that undoubtedly attracted a few qualified candidates. A small church job might only attract one of two applicants.

Now, the question is whether it makes sense to put in the effort to be completely confident about my competence on pipe organ, or to develop a broad enough repertoire to be thoroughly prepared for the next audition. Will there be a next audition?

Jobs similar to the church cathedral job within driving distance of my home only come on line every year or two. Putting in the practice time might or might not make sense.

I’m undecided.

Catholic Hymn Rehearsal … May 13, 2023

Live-streaming my Friday morning Catholic and Methodist hymn rehearsal turned out to be a more difficult and expensive than anticipated. I need equipment, some experience and I might have to spend some money on production fees.

So, I’ve taken a step back. I’m making YouTube movies out of my Friday morning rehearsals. Even doing that requires some re-thinking and practicing my skills. Long time since I produced video on a regular basis. I need to develop a production system.

Here’s the link to this week ‘s output.

Generating two camera angles, just for visual variety, was an easy fix. I wrote a spoken introduction to each hymn. I sat on the end of my piano bench and faced directly into the camera and recorded the intro bits one at a time, using my 12.9” iPad Pro as my teleprompter. My other camera angle was across the piano keyboard as I played and sang.

So, I did two shoots for my Catholic Hymn Rehearsal video. The first was the recitation of the intro bits. The second was running through all five hymns in the session.

As I did the second shoot, playing and singing the hymns, I also recorded the sound into my Zoom 16 Track porta-studio. My iPhone picked up the fully mixed sound from my monitor amp. Two sound sources to try to amplify and beef up the sound in the final mix.

Did the video shooting on my iPhone 11 Pro Max. I’m a little behind the times and will probably have to upgrade my phone soon for higher quality video. I’ll also buy a USB microphone to plug into my iPhone for improved audio quality.

I dumped all the video and sound components into my iMac and assembled them in Adobe Premiere Pro. I’m kinda clunky after years of inactivity, but I finally got the sound from the different tracks synced and inserted a reverb FX on the vocals.

Lotsa room for improvement in this process, but at least I have established a process. Repeating this process each week will eventually speed up my production cycle.

Live-streaming will have to wait until I’ve mastered this process, acquired some essential equipment and have the money to pay for production services. One step at a time.

Category: Piano